The Modern Gladiator | A Man's Guide to Living

10 Key Ways to Build YOURSELF as a Woman

on September 12 | in Cover, Issue 24, The Women of MG | by | with No Comments

Presence and Self-Love Quotient in Life and Business

Your presence is how other people experience you.

Your presence is a reflection of your self-love and abundance within yourself.

Do you agree that your presence in a room and your confidence within yourself affects your ability to rock your presentation, get the sale, and build your business?

We communicate with our presence how we want others to experience us. We communicate with our presence how we feel about ourselves.

Wouldn’t you prefer to have people experience you as a confident, centered, and loving person?

Now, the question: What is this self-love thing, anyway?

We see the urgings to cultivate “self-love” everywhere in our culture and especially on social media: “You have to love yourself more.” “You have to love yourself first.” “Until you value yourself, others won’t value you.” “If only you loved yourself, this wouldn’t have happened to you.” “You can’t love another person until you love yourself.”

What does that even mean? The simple definition of self-love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).” It is absolutely different from self-absorption. Actually, true self-love is one of the most empowering and liberating practices we can do for ourselves.

The bottom line is this: self-love isn’t some amorphous, etherial concept – it is as simple (and as challenging) as cultivating daily physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual practices for yourself, that make sense for YOU and fit into your life easily.

If you look at it this way, anything can be self-love – even if it’s a habit you decide is no longer serving you, it served you somehow in the past. We always do the best we know how to do until we decide it’s time for something different. Self-love is simply choosing according to what is best in the right here, right now.

The simple definition of abundance is more than an adequate quantity or supply. Our internal abundance is a reflection of our self-love. It is the sum total of everything we are and feel about ourselves and our lives: our hopes and dreams, self-care, spiritual beliefs, emotional heath, physical health . . . the totality of it all. Your self-love and abundance are directly connected to your self-confidence and presence.

In this article, you will find 10 key aspects and variables for self-love and increasing your internal abundance and confidence. Which ones resonate for you? Which ones do you know you want to bring in more for yourself? Which ones do you rock with? When you’re practicing self-love in your life, the following things become more true for you:

1. INTERNAL INTEGRITY: You know that goodness, caring, and love comprise your deepest inner core and that this goodness can never be disputed. You make a point of reminding yourself of your innate goodness, worth, and value daily. You practice speaking with impeccability and communicating this integrity clearly with others. Our languaging is a reflection of our internal self and beliefs.

2. LOVING INNER DIALOGUE: You know the difference between your inner critic and the guiding voice of your intuition, conscience, and integrity. The inner critic makes you feel shamed, anxious, and not good enough. The voice of intuition, conscience, and integrity makes you feel strong, motivated, wise, and free and helps you make grounded decisions in your life. They will also resonate in your body as distinct physical sensations or conditions: light or heavy, specific muscle twinges, illness, and so on. Everything about us shows up in our body in one way, shape, or form.

3. STRONG WHILE FLEXIBLE BOUNDARIES: You understand that the world is still a wild and crazy place, that trauma and dysfunction happen, and that many people behave in less than caring or healthy ways. Therefore, out of respect for yourself, you develop strong, positive boundaries to take care of you and know how to say NO when needed or YES if appropriate.

4. SELF-COMPASSION: You offer compassion to yourself for the missteps and mistakes you’ve made, for the losses and traumas you’ve endured, for the vulnerabilities and issues you have. You’re aware that you’re a sacred human being on a learning journey and that you deserve respect and compassion . . . especially from yourself.

5. JOY & BEAUTY: You appreciate how joy, beauty, and pleasure nourish your soul and boost your spirit, so you find ways to give these things to yourself regularly, if not daily. You continually bring yourself back to yourself and to your body, present with what is rather than spinning in what you think it should be. You continue to release old feelings of guilt or unworthiness about receiving joy, beauty, and abundance into your life, even and especially those you don’t know are there.

6. NURTURING YOURSELF: You understand that as an adult it’s your responsibility to mother yourself in all the ways you may have missed out on as a child. You actively soothe yourself in times of stress, feed and care for yourself in healthy ways, and find positive, supportive people to help you when you need it. Your well-being is a priority to you and you seek out situations and relationships where you can flourish.

7. SELF-EMPOWERMENT: You realize that life is complex and you actively seek out learning and knowledge. You invest in your own development whenever you can, and enjoy growing and expanding. You also accept that learning is a lifelong process and are patient with yourself, allowing yourself to grow at your own pace.

8. MANY ASPECTS TO SELF-LOVE: There are many different aspects to self-love; I invite you to think of your own list, or add to these. Self-love is different from hour to hour, second to second, situation to situation – even if one looks similar to another! In the end, there’s no actual list, only an evolving sense of how to best support yourself to be the person you know yourself to be, deep inside, despite whatever hurts or challenges you have faced.

9. LIFELONG PRACTICE: Self-love is a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual practice based on a core commitment to ourselves. It’s the gentle, daily work of building a respectful and compassionate relationship with ourselves, as well as with others in our lives. When we change our relationship with ourselves, we change our relationships with others.

10. ALWAYS AN EVOLUTION: I hear so many people say they are tired of doing work on themselves. Believe me, I completely understand this. I said this a time or two in the past as well. Then I embraced a fact of our human existence: We are here to grow and change and evolve! It’s a gift and a game to play and experience, so why not have fun with it instead of making it this hard, beating yourself up experience? What if we can go through life simply noticing who we are, what we do, and how we would like to be within ourselves, our lives, and our relationships? What if it was fun to embrace instead of fight? What if it’s that simple and that challenging?

How you show up for yourself is how you are showing up in the world. Are they both what you want them to be? If not, change your variables, then notice your presence and self-love quotient – as well as how people interact with you – change.

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