The Modern Gladiator | A Man's Guide to Living

Money and Relationships: Are YOU Using it as Tool For Good or Evil?

on March 8 | in Cover, Issue 19, Relationships & Dating | by | with No Comments

Exploring Money…On Purpose Now

We exist in the world as a species that has placed a monetary value everything. From birth to death and all things in between, there is a monetary value perceived.

Delivery of a baby, care of the pregnant mother, seed to feed the birds, land, timeshares, membership, automobiles, airplanes, a ride, water…even oxygen can be bought and sold.

From this, there is no escape.

Where there are people, there is a perception of monetary value for all things. We even buy and sell dirt, and more sewage—the shit business.  There is no escape from the perception of monetary value—none.

Money can be used as a relational tool. By gifting and granting trust, we can create connection and relatedness. This may have been the early intentions for the idea of money. In the beginning, it replaced/substituted for the trading of goods.  If you were trading with one person and did not have the goods they needed, you could give them money and they would go trade that with someone who had what they needed.

Money can also be used as a divisive tool to create an illusion of separation from each other, what is essential: God, Source, power, and even love. It is often used as proof we are good enough, lovable, wanted…and too often—to prove we’re not. Money is used as evidence for people’s intentions and proof of validation for our own thoughts, beliefs, stories/cases, meanings, symbols, and images of our projections.  As well, it is used as a measure of self-worth and worthlessness.

The list of concerns we assign the money is exhaustive.

In a recent workshop called “Exploring Money” led by my friends Lon and Sandy Golnic, I participated with ten other couples as we delved deep into the view and uses of money.

The concerns revealed by the couples seemed to have no end. They included, but were not limited to, fear of money being used for guilt, blame, shame, judgment, punishing, attacking each other, resentment, drama, and to separate from each other.  Included on the list were projections, dependencies, and the fear of dying if we did not have money.

Model Released. Young Couple Arguing

The stories of where the perception and beliefs about money were conceived and why the concerns were valid were equally exhaustive…and exhausting, including—well, especially—my own.

Lon Golnic then asked a brilliant question, one that I expect will forever change how I relate to and use money. Even though I have worked to reshape my beliefs about money consciously for over a decade, and have also held “ready to mind” a purposeful intention for how I use money, the answer to this question brought something brand new.  The sense of freedom and power that came with it was palpable. I could quickly feel the magnitude of his question and the ensuing answer would infiltrate the entirety of my life:

“Where did the concerns about money originate?”

There was discussion and deliberation, then my partner Whitney simply answered, “It started in relationship.”

A sobering shift happened in the room.  It was as though the fearful and racing minds had stopped as the truth was told. Here was a truth that could set us free.

In my particularly overtold and ancient story, my dad had whipped me when I failed to collect the money from my first paper route at the age of 9.  So the concern about money was not about money at all—it was about an important relationship, one that mattered.

Another of the bright ladies in the course added the insight that in almost all the stories, there was a breakdown or failure in relationship…and money got blamed.  When she shared that, my own story was finally unraveling. Though I had seen it before and told it too many times, the beliefs I had developed and reinforced for years lost their grip.  Underneath, I could see that what had really happened was I lost the ability to express myself and be creative in relationship. These beliefs had been conceived in pain and unconsciously generalized into fear in many relationships.  At age 53 I was realizing that most of my concerns and fears about money were not about money at all.  Rather it was about the ability to express myself and be creative in relationships!

The impact of this on my ability to address fears and concerns, in relationships, and live with money on purpose will be enormous.

To learn more about the profound work Sandy and Lon Golnic do, click here:


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